Some people spend all their lives trying to find Love, While others seem to find it right off the bat. While others go back and forth on love, like being in many trying relationships, or marrying several times.
What does it really matter how you learn to love? Well for some time I thought it didn't really matter until one day it hit me between the eyes, it does matter. Actually, Ill start at the beginning. One of the most important things to really understand and apply to your life is LOVE Right? But what does that really look like, feel like, behave like?
From all the "self help" books to all the learning forums and online resources we can see that it's not as simple as some people think. Look at all the dating coaches. Look at all the divorces. Do you know why most people are having relationship issues and problems today?
Im not talking about the obvious reasons, such as fidelity, honesty, money issues, or even trust. What i'm referring to here, is the "under belly" of what "True love" really is.
Its radical self Love!
It begs the important question, if you don't truly love yourself, really love who you are...how can you possibly come from a space that others truly love you?
Meaning, if you don't know how to give yourself the kind of love you want, you must search deeper inside yourself to find it. You wont find it in others or from others. You can't succeed in love if you look to others to fill that cup for you, you won't find it in any relationship. Because you need to do the work to find it in you FIRST.
So whats healthy Radical self love and why is it so hard to find for some people?
In My Book "A Two Foot Decision & A Red Teapot" I give you actionable tools to help.
I talk about either coming from a place of fear or coming from a place of Love. I go deep into the relationship we create and nurture with ourselves and with others and what that looks like. I further talk about our relationship with a higher power of our own understanding and how each relationships are all interconnected to the kind of happy life we live each day.
To help illustrate Radical self Love or the lack-there-of, Ive created two lists below of the common signs you can look for or identify in others, and possible in yourself.
Remember, be open, kind, gentle and loving to yourself as you read them.
You're Not experiencing Self Love if:
- You're allowing others to push you around physically, emotionally, or otherwise. (there is such a thing as going with the flow too much, or as some describe it as feeling like a puppet)
- You're not voicing how you truly feel, you're not speaking up about your thoughts feelings, dreams or opinion.
- You're putting your feelings on the back burner, and your partner's ok with that. (You and your partner have attracted each other on this frequency)
- You're easily persuaded in your decisions.
- You're Not saying " NO" or saying no is very difficult.
- If you're unhappy or don't know what you want in life. (you may feel a huge void or emptiness or take on your partners ideas or dreams)
-If you or your partner are complaining about everything under the sun in your relationship.
- If you're walking on eggshells around other people, colleague's or family members. (They trigger you)
- If you have low self esteem.
- If you have NPD or are narcissistic. (this is a personality disorder & manipulation)
-If you're in a codependent relationship. (with NPD or other behavior disorders)
-If you're putting your dreams, desires and goals on hold with no compromise in site from others.
-If You're continually coming from a space of fear or coming from a place of scarcity. (you may also be holding your breathe without realizing it)
-If you are feeling sluggish, not eating right, or getting enough sleep. You may be having physical symptoms in your body. Or some call it Dis-ese
What you experience if you Do have radical self Love:
- You're giving yourself the time you want & need in your life to become still, to flourish and thrive. (you give yourself time to heal and as much tenderness, space and kindness ever)
-You're doing life on your own terms in a beautiful way, you're feeling the strength of this experience living in the moment.
- You're living with ease and momentum, you easily set goals and reach them.
- You're comfortable in your own skin and know life isn't perfect, you let yourself off the hook, and you don't allow others to be hard on you.
-You're in a healthy space most days and you're happy in general. Even the hard days you know in your soul everything will be okay. You know how to self correct.
- You're giving to yourself with everything you have. Time, money, self care, vacations, bubble baths etc. (15 ways to pamper yourself)
- You're patient with who you really are and with your learning curve, you Love yourself for who you are, And you love self improvement in a healthy way. (The beginner mind or happy learner)
- You're kind and non judgmental and forgiving to yourself and you hold healthy boundaries with others.
- You're enjoying your own company, and you don't need anyone else to complete this space, but you. Time is important to you and you usually use it wisely. Others who don't match this higher vibration, begin to fall out of your life.
- You're in a place of fun and happiness with what you do for work, and enjoy what you do in life.
- You're in a space of gratitude and manifesting beautiful things into Your life.
- You're drawn more to others who have an amazing vibration and frequency, the highest frequency to match yours.(not someone who needs to be fixed, or who needs you to fix them)
- You're in a daily practice of meditation or prayer, some kind of daily practice to have a healthy communication with a higher power of your own.
- You're coming from a space of love (you are coming from a healthy space of abundance rather than scarcity)
-Youre physical body gets plenty of sleep, you begin and continue to eat the right kinds of food that match's your vibration and frequency. You listen to what your body needs, and you honor it in a healthy way.
Read more about radical self love here: A Two foot Decision & A Red Teapot , Its a journey of Love, miracles and Angelic gifts. Pick up your copy today.
To stay on your Radical Self Love Journey, And to learn more about it, Read more here about a deep dive course I created that's close to my heart. This course aligns with your highest purpose and love. It was created to come from a space of love to awaken to the gifts you have and not live a life of fear or anxiety. I suggest you take this course to find out more about radical self love in your life. The course is called Love Design BluePrint
As always, Stay tuned for more on this blog for plenty of positive and actionable tools and insights you can use.
Also be sure to report back in the comments below and share your own experiences with what kind of self love you have done or may need to still do.
And please, if you found this information useful, then spread the love and use the link below to share this post with people you know.
Until then, Love and Light!