{Blog} Part-1 Narcissist Many Mask's

The Narcissist: What to watch out for - "Grade A supply" & "Hoovering"

Some time ago, I posted about a growing problem many people are buzzing about and are experiencing with a Narcissist in their life. I had an overwhelming response to this article and continued researching many experience's. (Also I had a few Narcissist in the family) More on that soon.

After my own experiences and continued healing journey, after doing my homework, listened to the best Pod Cast's, YouTubes, blogs, books, and after speaking to phycologist and reading all the emails sent to me... I came to the conclusion I wanted to share a series of blogs with you, so you can begin to grasp where to begin. (or where to go next)

Also, to give you the resources from my own experiences to look into this epidemic for yourself.

So look for {part 2 and more} coming soon.

Just so you know, this series will be in no particular order, primarily because Im reaching a large audience who will be able to relate to one part more-so than another. (Probably even a narcissist) If you're being subjected to a narcissist, you're on a journey at a different place in time. Paying attention to the common warning signs will be your awakening to knowing who and what you're dealing with. This is when you'll want to begin to execute a plan for your safest exit strategy .

There are many types and stages of a Narcissist and those people they come in contact with.

Also below you can see common behaviors they use. Ive included some abbreviations widely used to describe a Narcissist as well:( N, Narc, NPD, psychopath).

So for Part 1, Ill touch on looking out for these patterns you may be seeing in your relationships, such as a family member, work colleague, or even your spouse. You'll want to watch out for them especially on dating sites (this is there "go to" to get their needed energy supply)

Also, Ill part the curtain a little to help you see how much you are aware of a possible Narcissist in a primary relationship.

In following blogs Ill touch on how a Narcissist effects the family & children, extended family members, friends, clients, business associates. Ill talk about Safe exit strategies, taking good care of yourself and much, much more.

Read the complete blog, so you can see the positive information along with the realistic information.

I love Colette Baron Reid's addition to the serenity prayer in her wisdom of the oracle;

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference". "Show me what I need to better serve your will in the world, and guide me forward with clarity, decernment, honesty and love. Show me only a reflection of the truth. Amen"

As a starting point of reference, the narcissist wear many masks to hide behind, you must know you have been living in a lie, its a con job from the start. The bigger the lie they tell you, the more they hope you'll think "only someone crazy would make this up".

To consider WHY narcissists do certain things, it can be helpful to consider their idealized false self and how important maintaining the image of that false self is. (Ive seen several personas from one Narc in a 12 hour period)

Narcissists have been emotionally & physically abused/traumatized/neglected at a very young age, causing their emotional development to be stunted at the age of the trauma. They manifest a false self to appeal to their primary caregiver who neglected them hoping “maybe Mommy will love me now". The idealized false self must be propped up at all costs. The narcissist cannot bear the pain of ripping the scab open to expose the wound of the real self which was rejected and abandoned by the primary caregiver. The false self must be propped up. Whenever the narcissist hears “You're such a beautiful person!” (or whatever comprises the particular false self) the false self receives a HUGE boost. The false self is balanced precariously. There is a part of the narcissist that knows the truth of the real self, with its attendant shame and rejection, which he can never, ever be encountered. The reality of the narcissist is dominated by the idealized false self.

So whats a "Grade A supply" and how the narc uses this supply?

Narcissists are very manipulative and cunning, if they consider someone a grade A supply, its because they highly value what the partner has to offer (house, money, constant attention, sex on demand, etc) therefor it’s a huge shock when this supply removes him/herself from their lives. They feel insulted, shame and anger… as they run to their past lovers and to side supplies to maintain feeling somewhat stable. They will also hoover, they must gain that control they once thought they had over that grade A supply. If hoovering was successful a narcissist will degrade and devalue behind the supply’s back as to convince themselves that the supply never had real value in the first place. They regain control only to then discard with a feeling to have “won the game”. A narcissist will keep relying on the side for lesser supplies until someone new with grade A potential comes along.

Since a narcissist is always wearing a mask he must keep one foot in and one foot out, of the relationship. They run out the door at the drop of a hat when their mask begins to slip. They are always pissed off, and think they can have you back whenever they want. They're driven by fear of being abandoned, so they might try to discard you first if they're afraid you might leave them. There's a lot of possibilities, but they might, if they felt it necessary to keep their false self propped up.

I once read a blog where the question was asked : "What happens when a narcissist has No supply"? The blog had thousands of responses.

What does it mean when we refer to when a NPD has No supply?

The grade A supply is a MAGICAL MIRROR (usually a primary person in the relationship such as a spouse)

The magical mirror is Oh! SO! Great! You see, the magical mirror has this grade A supply he so needs.

1. PRAISE YOU, love you, SHOWS you how in “awe” he is with you, goes out of his way for you (almost like a real person), basically REMINDS you how lovable and special/important you are.

The magical mirror also:

2. REFLECTS all of his fake so called good qualities (the lies he tells himself and you) things the mirror and grade A supply partake in, onto the narcissist. You see, if you are beautiful and intelligent, which are two of the most sought after traits by narcissist, its not only telling them how beautiful and intelligent they are, but by being with you, somehow, these great traits of yours are being reflected onto him.

Does the narcissist want to seem adventurous? Are you adventurous? Great! Now, they’ll stick to you like gum on your shoe!

Important: the shinier the mirror (aka) grade A supply, the more flashy or impressive in one way or the other, the better. High status, whatever that means in the narcissist’s society or in his city/circle of friends etc, is of utmost importance.

This area includes any personality/character trait they ADMIRE, If they think they have it themselves, good. But if they feel these are not one of their strong points, well they’ll admire the Magical Mirror all that much more.

Last but not least, the mirror, mirror, on the wall.

3. The grade A supply Has to have the right personality traits or character to make life a field of daisies for the narcissist. What does that mean?

-Temperament

-Patience

-Empaths

-Pure hearts

-Forgiveness of a saint.

Because the narcissist can act loving, and fake the part of prince charming as long as he’s getting the above needs met by someone who he considers “high value”, but without a doubt, he will slip up at some point (and he always gets caught). When he does get into trouble, he doesn’t want someone who gets reasonably mad. He ONLY wants the benefits with none of the dirty work.

Im defiantly not suggesting that a “Grade A” supply is weak. In fact, Narcissist like strength because it is a positive trait, and any positive trait they want for themselves. The more you are and have, the more they want to take from you.

They like the strength, independence, confidence and positivity of the grade A supply.

However, they still want this wonder of a woman to be a woman who loves them and has them on a pedestal high enough that they are submissive and passive enough with them, enough so that they have no problems in the relationship. A lot of people often confuse malignant narcissism which is a specific type, with just narcissism.

So it is often said that Narcs don’t feel that others are superior to them or even equal to them. But that’s not all narcissist. They do feel that others might be superior to them. And when they do, they’ll treat said person right for a time, (but know they are positioning their self to try to win their favor to betray them) Ive witnessed this first hand. Above all, narcissist want to be and feel-approval (especially by those they deem of high value/status)-they want to Impress those same people and everyone in general-They want to feel loved and special so badly because they are EMPTY.

Disclaimer: If you are a Grade A supply, don’t use this to romanticize your situation. Meaning, If you’re a nice and good-behaved grade A supply, they’ll want to keep you around for as long as they can, but whatever type of supply you are, never confuse the title and think it’s YOU who is the utmost quality supply. It’s not you, whether good or bad, it’s never you. It’s what you bring to the table. And you could be a Gourmet meal in an area full of McDonald’s, but once a New restaurant comes into the neighborhood, they’ll be quick to forget their favoritism and so-called “love” towards you.

They’ll still keep you around if You let them though. Which is WHY if you find yourself involved with a person like this, you need to plan your exit strategy especially if you know you’re a Grade A supply.

I know this may be hard to read! They don’t love you, they love how you make them feel and how you make them look. They love their own interest, and they could have you meet their family but still cheat on you, because it isn’t love he has for you. It’s selfish an ill. It’s love for themselves. Narcs might even feel like they love you, but when you love someone and they really don’t care and would rather betray/hurt you in different ways to get their own selfish needs met, is that really love? Or even the kind of love you want?

What is hoovering?

Depending on how violent and malignant the NPD, you can expect all sorts of aggressive, vengeful acts, from prolonged smear campaigns to physical and emotional harm. Damage to your property, poisoning your food or your pets. (remember all the psychopath movies? You're living inside one) A whole troop of flying monkeys is likely to be recruited, including people close to him or you from your immediate circle of family and friends. (anyone he has in his phone) family on your side will be almost entirely unaware of being duped by the narcissist, his goal is for them to try to persuade you to get back in touch with him because they have somehow learned the narcissist is suffering, or crying, or feeling hurt and confused, not understanding why you cannot be contacted.

In-between the hateful outbursts and acting through the third persons, and depending on the way you respond during the storm, the NPD in question could try some of the hoovering tactics, like attempting to convince you they have changed, appealing to your compassion and benevolence, asking for ‘another chance’, professing their undying love, friendship, loyalty etc. Hoovering can also be disguised as a way of expressing ‘concern’ for your wellbeing. In case anything remotely unfortunate has happened in the meanwhile, expect the NPD to whom you have been the prime/primary supply source to be the first to offer ‘help’ or a shoulder to cry on. Or they may just offer to book you a visit with the dentist who is indebted to him. They're also most likely to do a lot of I’m-having-tons-of-in-your-face-fun kind of thing.

The narcissist acts like their partner is “dead” after a fight, ignoring them while happily going to another supply for attention. This is the NPD specialty: Flirting with ANYone, laughing real loud, acting like they are having the best time in their life, but in truth everyone knows there is something not right with him.

Before you suddenly become invisible and reduced to their dumb and mute, involuntary audience. Any heart strings they can reach and pull will be tugged in a million ways, for as long as you allow yourself to be exposed.

To avoid all of the above and who knows what else, I believe all the doors and windows have to be shut and bolted in one fell swoop and all the cracks cemented - No Contact should be an impenetrable fortress, with all the bridges permanently drawn (whenever possible). Sooner or later the storm will pass. Be grateful you have dodged a very destructive bullet in time.

Also, here's a blog response I read from a "self aware Malignant Narcissist" Ill let it speak for its self. Here's what he had to say.

"We rarely run out of supply or have No supply.

Lots of things are supply, it doesn’t simply involve having a partner.

The web is narcissistic supply. People out on the street who look at me or with fear or admiration are supply. Social media is narcissistic supply to some. People simply complimenting me online, or in person is decent supply to me. Women giving me ANY attention or when I go out to nightclubs is supply, their boyfriends getting intimidated and insecure over my presence is supply. So you see, No true narcissist needs a person for supply, we get it from a *f* ton of other things, I think a lot of people believe they have much more importance in a narcissists life than they truly have. The only way a narcissist would have absolutely no supply is if they were locked in one of those sensory deprivation white rooms. But also if a narcissist happens to be low on supply, all that happens is their mood drops, and they become a lot more irritated and prone to losing their temper and things like that. Similar to a drug withdrawal In my opinion/experience. If I feel like I am not getting what I desire in my life, I will begin to get a lot more nasty and others will pick up on it, my temper will be short and I will actively and frequently insult others, I actually seem to turn a lot more anti social when I begin to get frustrated or denied things, and this leads to fear in a few people, but luckily that is supply so…win-win I guess".

As you can see, the rabbit hole gets deeper because you begin to realize its all done on purpose by the Narc to be abusive, mean and hateful... to try and get you to feel how he really does.

There is hope, because I have gotten through the dark to see the light and taken action to live a much better and healthier life. You can too!

Stay tuned for more on this blog for plenty of positive and actionable tools and insights you can use. Also be sure to report back and share your own experiences with this kind of energy vampire!

And please, if you found this information useful, then spread the love and use the link below to share this post with people you know.

Until next time,

Love and Light

Lorie Paige

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